Here are two articles from TalkingCock.com that I thoroughly enjoyed. Enjoy!
Singapore Assisted US in Formulating Middle East Strategy
by K.K. Cheow
Singapore admitted today that it had assisted the US Department of Defense in formulating its strategy for the Middle East, using traditional ice-breaking games popular amongst Singaporean schoolchildren.
Said Ministry of Foreign Affairs spokesperson Miss Khee Chiak Hong, ?We were delighted to assist the US Departments of State and Defense in devising their strategy for intervention in the Middle East. They said they needed to come up with non-threatening ways to help their new Arab subjects orientate themselves with their new circumstances, so we thought, orientation? Why not use the traditional Singaporean ?getting-to-know-you? games that so many junior college students use during their orientation period??
According to the Ministry, the US clearly adopted the traditional Singaporean icebreaking game of ?Whacko? when they introduced themselves to the Iraqi people.
?Of course the Americans had to adapt our practices to their own culture,? said Miss Khee. ?So instead of hitting people with a rolled up newspaper as we do here, they just dropped bombs and fired missiles instead.?
However, another Singaporean icebreaker is being implemented more literally as the US extends its influence into the region. Said Miss Khee, ?So it?s going to be Iraq bomb, Iraq bomb, Iraq bomb to Syria bomb, and then no doubt after that it?ll be Syria bomb, Syria bomb, Syria bomb to Iran bomb, then Iran bomb, Iran bomb, Iran bomb to Saudi Arabia bomb and so on.?
?Ee, so fun!? beamed Miss Khee, clapping her hands in glee. ?I can?t wait till the mass dance! The US has told us that they?ve already picked the tune they want the whole of the world to dance to!?
Bush Declares War on France for ?Supporting Terrorism?
by Chicken Farmer
In a shock declaration last night on American television, US President George W Bush announced to the world that the US was declaring war on France, a move which he claimed was a ?pre-emptive strike on a nation who has reveal its true intention towards us.?
President Bush, looking somber, spoke to a stunned press audience at the White House, saying, ?When we first began on this crusade against Terrorism, I made it very clear that those who did not join us in this fight, would be seen as condoning such violent action. And France, in its many attempts to thwart our liberation of the Iraqi people from Saddam Hussein, a known supporter of terrorism, has finally revealed itself to be what it is ? a friend of our enemy, which makes them not just our enemy, but also the enemy of all our friends in our Coalition of the Willing, and hence, not our friend.?
He went on to add that, ?It is ruled by a man, Jacques (pronounced ?jack-ass?) Chirac, who has, from Day One, shown nothing but contempt for this country, and the United Nations. By refusing to work with us, in the Coalition of the Willing, we can clearly see that the he has deep-rooted support for Saddam Hussein and the terrorism he inspires. Also, France is a country known to have weapons of mass destruction, in the form of both nuclear and biochemical weapons. Yet, to my knowledge, it has never allowed UN Inspectors to visit their facilities.?
President Bush went on to make a startling revelation. ?Saddam was known as a man with expensive taste in food and wine, voracious sexual appetites, and had a fetish for berets. He also spoke in a different language then the accepted norm, which is American. It would thus seem natural for him to flee to France, where he would easily blend in with the other Frenchies. For all we know, he, and President Chirac, are brothers! The evidence is compelling, and our intelligence sources inform us that they believe that there is a chance that Saddam is being harboured there.?
?However,? added Mr. Bush, ?we want to reassure all the Frenchies in France that our fight is not with them personally, but with their President, and all the deluded and evil persons who support him. Although your ways are strange, with your penchant for snails and funny accents, we are not discriminating against you - we are discriminating for you. After all, you and your society has given Americans many of their most cherished things, such as the Statue of Liberty, french fries, and the bikini. No society so enlightened could promulgate such a pro-terrorist view, so the Frenchies are obviously being dictatored by this one man, Jack-ass Chirac.?
Bush then threw down his ultimatum to Jacque Chirac on television, demanding, ?that he allows UN Inspector to inspect all nuclear and biochemical plants within the week, and produce Saddam Hussein if he is truly in France. Otherwise, Coalition forces will invade the country, liberate the French people, and hunt down the evil masterminds that are Saddam and Jack-ass.?
The President revealed that US troops were already being mobilized from various points throughout Europe, and that the timetable for the war would be measured in days or weeks, not months. He said, ?Based on their performance in the last war, World War Two, we can expect to capture most of France by the end of two weeks, if not less.?
France issued an immediate reply with this declaration of war, with the French foreign minister Dominique de Villepin saying that, ?You do not frighten us, American pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, you son of a silly person.! I blow my nose at you, so called American President, you and all your silly k-niggets! I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries? ?